Balance & Wellbeing
Balancing the importance of a Comfort zone for self-care, with the need for growth in the Learning or Challenge zone, and care in the Crash or Burnout zone. by Dean Phelan © Copyright 2022
It’s important we each have a comfort zone that is safe, peaceful and refreshing
Living in our comfort zone is all about safe, comfortable and easy. We are in control of our space and there is minimal stress. Having a place that’s comfortable where we can just be and reflect, or zone out, is important to our mental and emotional wellbeing. It enables us to fill up our tank / recharge our motivational batteries.
For some people it’s walking along the beach or sitting by a stream in a forest. It may be a holiday home that we go to, or vacationing in the same place every year. We know the street names, which cafes serve the best coffee, and the people. Our comfort zone may simply be a comfy armchair by a window. My grandfather had his chair by the fireplace that he sat in every night and read…it was like his sacred place. For some it is a regular time of peace, reflection and prayer, perhaps in a church.
We can have a comfort zone at work too…where everything is pretty predictable and we are in control of our domain. Our comfort zone has comfortable routines which give us structure and predictability…. getting a coffee at the same time each day, walking the dog first thing, going to the gym after work, etc. Routines are important to our mental and emotional stability.
But we don’t learn much in our comfort zone
The problem though is that there are a number of risks associated with our comfort zone.
We can become lazy and addicted to self comfort orientation. All of our decision making becomes filtered by how things will impact our comfort zone. We can become totally focused on ourselves and we lose empathy. We develop the luxury of indifference, expressing care sentiments but not really having any real heart connection - virtue signalling can become an act of ego comfort.
No growth occurs unless we are challenged. Once we know the best way of doing something and get into repetition mode, our brain’s learning centres turn down. If we become primarily focused on protecting and expanding our comfort zone, we don’t learn much.
Whilst we need to focus on our self to recharge our batteries when we are depleted, we need to focus on service and helping others to find meaning and purpose in our lives.
Moving out of our comfort zone can feel risky.
When we’re comfortable we often experience some form of fear and resistance when we contemplate moving out of our comfort zone to take on something challenging. A lack of confidence, doubt, procrastination and excuses can all appear. We can become anxious and worry about other people’s opinions. “I might fail / embarrass myself… they’ll all be judging me… I might not cope / could get hurt… I’ll try it when I’m fitter / when I’ve got more time… and so forth. And it is true that sometimes we do get hurt and that can cause us to retreat back into our comfort zone shell, and to be more cautious in future.
Yet if we’re afraid to take some risks we never really understand what we are capable of. We learn about ourselves when we take on challenges and learn how to overcome them. Despite our fear and doubt, we summon courage and do it anyway, realizing what kind of person we are, and can be. It is only in the doing that we develop confidence.
Ironically, our learning and development is often most strongly impacted by times of uncomfortability or suffering. We learn more about ourselves as a result of adversity than by any other mechanism. It is the times when we are outside our comfort zone, or “way out of our depth” that shape our character most deeply.
So, for our own growth and wellbeing we must push through our fear and resistance to take on new challenges and get involved in making a positive difference to the world outside of our comfort zone. It takes courage to step out of this safe protective place after we have been hurt and our confidence has been diminished. Yet, focusing on contributing just a positive grain to something or somebody other than our own pain, can make a significant difference.
A favourite quote of mine is Emerson’s definition of success: …to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
Yet, there are risks also in the learning and challenge zone.
It’s great to get to a point where we love taking on new challenges and stretch goals. We’re alive and making a difference. Our comfort zone and confidence expand with our learning and capability, and our learning zone expands with our growth in confidence and experience.
But, we can become over confident and addicted to ego driven accomplishments and being seen as a success. Status, winning and making money can become primary drivers in our daily lives. If our ego becomes dependent on these to feel OK / empowered, our need for control and its associated anxiety and running on adrenaline can become habitual. Everything is seen through a lens of comparison and competitiveness with others.
Even those working in the helping professions and religious ministry are as much at risk - driven by “needing to be needed”; “becoming the star speaker / writer / guru”; being the white knight who always rescues and fixes”; “unhealthy notions of service and sacrifice”..etc.
The paradox is that we do need to believe in ourselves and our ability to take on challenges and succeed. It helps to approach things with confidence and positiveness. Sometimes the situation and needs of another calls us to go out into our high risk crash zone. But the wisdom is in understanding what is driving us. Why am I doing this? If its an extra-ordinary situation requiring action, we step up; but if we’re constantly feeling anxious and out of control, it’s likely we’re operating too much in our crash zone.
Running too long in the crash zone leads to burnout
Prolonged drivenness, running on adrenaline, anxiety and stress leads to emotional exhaustion and depletion. Our batteries run down; our tank becomes empty. And if we keep trying to push through when our tank is empty we become burnt out and / or physically sick as everything shuts down. We are holistic beings with integrated, interlocking and enmeshed physical, mental, emotional and spiritual “operating systems”. One part of us may be able push on and still operate, but other parts will collapse.
We have to learn who we are and what we stand for - when we are acting as our True Self or as our anxious ego, False self (On purpose). The Apostle Paul said: Having done all, stand (Ephesians 6:13). Work hard and do all we can. But having done all, then stand firm. Implied in this is self awareness and practise - once you’ve done what you can, then stop. Stop going over things… stop over-analysing... stop pushing yourself.
Burnout is now a medical condition recognized by The World Health Organisation (WHO) in their International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Conditions
Emotional exhaustion is the essence of burnout – feeling emotionally drained and exhausted as a result of accumulated stress from personal and / or work life. It is characterised by depersonalisation and detachment – life on auto pilot. We literally become dysfunctional.
If this happens, the only remedy is to retreat back into a comfort zone - which will have contracted substantially through our suffering. We may have to learn a more healthy way of being, for the first time in our lives, so that we can truly rest, slowly rebuild and regain some grounded confidence. It can take years after severe burnout.